I CAN MOONWALK!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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