how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize