I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
