my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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