it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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