hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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