The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize