oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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