she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
