i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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