remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
