its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
