Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
