I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
