My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
