My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
