he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
