I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
