Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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