Tell her she can't have a vagina
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
