He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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