How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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