the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
