just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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