The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
