There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize