she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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