I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
