I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
