come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
