He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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