I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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