so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
