Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
