Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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