so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
someone owes me an orgasm
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
