i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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