I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
