She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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