Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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