I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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