I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
