I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize