So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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