Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
