He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
