i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Sorry about my life...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
