i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
