If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Found the puke drawer
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize