How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize