Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
