the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
