i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
