vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
