And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
