mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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