I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
