This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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