??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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