Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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