Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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