Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You ate ashes out of my bong
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
