hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
