y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
