the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
