I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
