sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
This is my life. Enjoy the view
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
