why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
