Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
