You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
