Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I intend to get homeless drunk
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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