So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
