Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Fuck me I smell like cheese
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
