You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
