youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I can text with my tongue
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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