I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
