I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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