I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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