I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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