So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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