I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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