I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
