i just had sex bonerless
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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