I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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