i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
