Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
