You made me cry and you don't even care
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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