Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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