I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
it's like iHOP with fire
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
