some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
