new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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