Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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