Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
