I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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