he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
