Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
