i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
