the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
