Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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