Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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