East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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