So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
