i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
