You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
