Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
