My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize