Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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